Ladies, I have a conundrum. My boyfriend has been doing less and less housework over the six years we have been living together. It has now stopped altogether, apart from cooking dinner. I do everything else. He gets irritated when he hasn't got any shirts or clean underwear, or there's no clean towels, but doesnt ever take the initiative and sort it out! He doesn't even clean up after himself either, the other day he got a sandwich bag out of the drawer, realised he didnt need it and dropped it on the kitchen floor. He didn't put it back, he just left it there. Who did he think was going to pick it up? I got an urge to poke him in the eye with a fork, but he'd expect me to clean up the mess.
I have tried talking to him about it and he always brushes me off and its starting to get me down now. I'm really trying not to nag him, and his answer is that he will do it if I ask, but WHY SHOULD I ASK? It really winds me up when he says that, he's got eyes, he can see what needs doing but instead chooses to leave it until I mention it to him, which (as if by magic) turns me into a nagging fishwife. Its not like I'm at home all day, we both work full time and do the same hours.
How do I make him realise that I am not the maid?
About Me
- Constance102
- I live in England. I'm in my midtwenties, I don't have any kids but plan on starting in a couple of years. I've got a brilliant boyfriend called Will, a tiny flat and a boring job. I want to keep the boyfriend, move to Scotland, get a nice place and a decent job.
4 comments:
Are you sure you're not married!?! Welcome to a commited relationship. There are two ways about it: either give him sex to get him to do stuff (i.e. "I'll give you something special if you take out the garbage...") or let him learn his lesson by going to work with a dirty shirt. I've both a couple of times.
Or, my favorite: just take his dirty clothes and shove them behind the bed so he has nothing at all and you don't have to look at it. Done that a couple of times too!
Basically, there is no easy answer. That's why they are called men.
I had to stop doing the chores that were Paul's. I didn't do his laundry, and if he complained about not having any shirts I would say, "Oh, that sucks!"---in exactly the tone I'd use if a friend of mine said SHE had no clean shirts to wear: sympathetic, but not as if I was taking this to mean that _I_ was involved in solving the problem. If he didn't do his dishes, I just left them in the sink. In the baggie on the floor situation, I would have said, "Hey, you going to pick that up or just leave it for the Kitchen Fairies?"
I've had to repeat this lesson periodically over the years. We divide chores differently now, but whenever there's a redividing I find I have to "remind" him that his chores are HIS.
Constance32: Good ideas! I'll keep them in mind
Swistle: I think splitting up the chores with him is the way forward, I don't think he realises quite how much has to be done!
First tell him that the chores must be evenly divided and if he wants say in which ones get assigned to him, he better speak up.
Then post the chores somewhere like a white board. And when you do yours, mark them off the list. And DO NOT do his. Ever. For any reason. Groceries not bought and it's his job? Hello takeout!
You can't let him continue to expect you to do everything. The more you do it the more you'll resent him and you just might stick that fork in his eye. And I challenge a jury to convict you, but still, who needs the hassle?
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